Perfectly Invisible
by Smoky Opium
Summary: Sometimes things are too good to be true, and Roy Mustang is about to learn that. The hard way.
**Disclaimer:** Hagane no Renkinjutsushi (Fullmetal Alchemist) © Hiromu Arakawa. No profit is being made from this story. This story does not necessarily reflect the author's religious views, beliefs or morals.

 **Rating:** PG

 **Warning:** None.

 **Summary:** Sometimes things are too good to be true, and Roy Mustang is about to learn that. The hard way.

 **Story type:** Manga Cannon AU.

 **Pairing:** None.

 **AN (may contain spoilers for story and cannon):** Just a funny little idea that popped up one afternoon. Set before Mustang's transfer to Central. I'm pretty sure Mustang didn't have an inner office at this time, but it just seemed to work better with the inner office, so please just roll with it. Also as far as I am aware, nothing was mentioned about his living arrangements, so I've just made them up.

Conception Date: 15/03/2015

Completion Date: 30/03/2015

 **Perfectly Invisible**

Roy Mustang woke up to a perfect morning. He opened his eyes to the faint glow of the morning sunshine creeping past the edges of his window. Fumbling around for his clock he saw he had woken up an hour before his alarm was supposed to go off. He took this time to luxuriously stretch in bed, revelling in the feeling of waking up without any kinks in his back from sleeping wrong, or fog in his brain from lack of sleep.

Leisurely he got up and fixed himself some breakfast as he got ready for work. His toast was the perfect shade of brown, the scrambled eggs fluffy and creamy just the way he liked it and the coffee strong but not overly bitter. Putting on his shoes he checked the clock in the hallway; off to work with twenty minutes to spare. The walk to work was invigorating, the air slightly cool with that crisp note that indicates dew on the grass. No cats hissed at him, no dogs tried to relieve themselves on him, no birds pooped on him as they flew overhead and he had the pleasure of flirting with the coffee girl when he picked up his second morning coffee.

Roy Mustang felt marvellous. It seemed everything wanted to go his way this morning.

He walked into headquarters, neatly stealing the attention of one of the typists from the secretarial pool from Havoc and scoring a date with her later that night. Roy moved on leaving a weeping Havoc bemoaning the unfairness of higher ranked officers stealing dates, and a rather flustered typist. Riding the wave of confidence from a perfect morning, he strode into the office ten minutes before he was meant to be in. Hawkeye raised an eyebrow as he made a beeline for his desk and promptly started on his paperwork. He truly felt like nothing could spoil his day, not even paperwork.

'Anything this morning?' Mustang asked Hawkeye without looking up from the document he was reading as she placed a new stack in his inbox.

'Edward came in early this morning to drop off his report. Said he'd come in after lunch to give his verbal report.'

Roy frowned slightly to himself.

'Surely he could have waited a few minutes.'

'He came in at six ten. It is now nine fifteen. I hardly think it is appropriate to ask him to wait three hours, especially given what time you usually come in.' Hawkeye said. Roy reluctantly let it go, unwilling to spoil his morning.

'Very well, dismissed Lieutenant.'

The rest of Roy's morning ran smoothly. When Hawkeye came in at twelve to pick up his paperwork, he stretched with a yawn, wincing pleasantly as his lower back cracked.

'See Lieutenant, I can do my paperwork.' He said smugly.

'So it would appear sir.' She replied neutrally.

'So, I'll be going off to lunch early.' There was a pause, in which a distinctly unimpressed look crossed Hawkeye's face. 'Come on Lieutenant, I've finished all my paperwork, this calls for a celebration.' Roy whined.

The blonde sighed.

'Very well, but make sure you come back on time.' She warned him firmly.

Roy scooted out of the office whistling a little, before Hawkeye could change her mind. The canteen was serving actual food for once, and Roy had a pleasant lunch flirting with one of his military contacts, before returning to the office. When he came in he was instantly struck by the tense atmosphere; Havoc, Breda and Falman were diligently doing their work, while Fuery quietly fiddled with the radio.

'Okay…where's Hawkeye?' Roy asked cautiously, looking round.

'Don't know, but she's pissed.' Havoc replied as he opened a new folder without looking up.

'Anything I should know?' Roy asked poking his head back out into the corridor. Still no Hawkeye.

'Better do some paperwork.'

'Right. I'll go do that.'

Roy sidled into his inner office, closing the door before scooting over to his desk. As soon as he sat down, he heard the outer office door squeak and the clack of shoes approaching his office. He gulped, praying to whatever god could protect him against what was approaching his door. There was no slamming of the door; no ominously slow opening, just the quiet snick of the handle being turned and the clack of shoes as they entered normally. Carefully she closed the door, making sure it latched shut before turning to face the Colonel.

There was only one thought in Roy's mind.

Well, actually it was two.

 _Shit, Riza is going to kill me_ and _I hope the undertaker will be able to make what's left of me presentable._

Quick as a whip crack, Riza fired off several shots outlining Roy who sat stiffly at his desk. Slowly he began to edge under his desk.

'How DARE you try to make a FOOL out of me ROY MUSTANG!' She roared.

'Me? What did I do?' squeaked Roy, though he would later deny this, when asked by Havoc.

'Don't play coy with me!' she shouted firing another shot as Roy dove for the cover of his desk.

'You didn't sign ANY of your paperwork!' She screamed, slapping a sheet of paper on his desk. Cautiously he peeped over the edge of his desk, and almost ducked back under at seeing the tapping muzzle of Hawkeye's gun. However Hawkeye's reflexes were too fast and Roy found his uniform collar snagged by her fingers. Reluctantly he resumed his seat, looking down at the paperwork. Sure enough it was the last sheet of paperwork he had signed off on that afternoon.

And the empty space that required his signature was blank.

What. The. Hell.

'You will be staying here for as long as it takes to finish all your paperwork.' Hawkeye hissed venomously.

'B-But I completed that.' He stuttered in dismay staring at what he was sure was the beginning of hell. There was a scuffle outside and a muted shout of "Not now", as the door to Roy's office was violently kicked open. Edward strode in and stopped abruptly. He lifted one eyebrow looking from Riza to Roy, before smirking.

'Is this a bad time?' He asked.

'Not at all Edward. You are here to give your report?' Hawkeye said in that sickly sweet tone that only underlined her anger. Edward stared at her, eyes wide in fright.

'Yes... ma'am?' He replied slowly, as he began to inch back towards the door.

'That's good. At least SOMEBODY around here isn't shirking their RESPONSIBILITIES.' She said pointedly, causing Roy to wince. Satisfied that she had conveyed her displeasure clearly enough, Riza turned her attention back to Edward. 'Take as long as you need to.' She instructed him, smiling pleasantly.

'Lieutenant, I'm sure I can explain-' Roy started to say.

'You can explain after you finish your paperwork, Sir.' Riza said the tone of her voice cooling at having to address her superior officer. With that she left the room.

'Well, I'm not suicidal enough to disobey Hawkeye.' Edward said as he launched into his report. Roy's complexion paled steadily as Riza continued to bring in stacks of paper work throughout Edward's report. By the time she entered for the twelfth time, Roy was sure he would never be able to leave the room for the next week. All he could do was scribble through his paperwork during her absences, while pretending to listen to Fullmetal's report when she entered. Roy tuned into his subordinate's report just in time to catch the last of it as Hawkeye entered for the fourteenth and hopefully last time.

'…so I signed the contract. Naturally he believed the deeds were valid since he saw me sign it. So he got a rather nasty shock when he left to seize the land, only to find no signature, making the deeds null and void. But I already raided his office for the evidence by the time he got back.' Edward grinned triumphantly at Roy. 'See? I can complete my missions without blowing up anything.'

'Point noted Fullmetal.' The Colonel replied absentmindedly, while watching Hawkeye's retreating back.

'So am I dismissed Bastard?'

'Yes, yes, you're dismissed.' Edward turned to leave. He had just left, when something clicked in Roy's brain.

'Fullmetal! Wait a minute!'

'What Bastard?' Edward replied irritably, popping his head back into Roy's office. 'I thought you said I was free to go.'

'How did you actually make the contract null and void? You didn't explain that in your report.'

'Oh, that.' Edward's smile sharpened unpleasantly, and Roy felt his stomach drop. 'I signed it in invisible ink. My signature had disappeared by the time he reached the farm.' Edward disappeared from the doorway.

Edward had been in his office this morning.

Edward had been alone in his office.

Edward had just completed a mission using invisible ink.

'EDWARD!' Screamed Roy, dashing to the door of his office. There was the click of a gun being cocked.

'Sir, you haven't finished your paperwork yet.' Said Hawkeye icily.

'But, but- grah!' Roy screamed out in frustrated anger. 'FULLMETAL! WAIT TILL I GET MY HANDS ON YOU!'

All that could be heard were the echoes of derisive mocking laughter.


End file.
